Dust

I have found 

the spaces/spaces 

unfamiliar

Gray 

Matter to be filled in

I look at I-now

lying on the bed in the sunlight

I am beautiful

but inside

There are shadows

and the dust finds it’s way into the cracks

      The fire

A flicker

collecting dust

And I’m drawn to what is empty

what Is empty?

It/dying feels comfortable

Family/The desire to expand beyond the lines

Body/The desire to expand beyond the lines

Happy/The desire to expand beyond the lines

Illness

Death

What is this dust?

Dust/Biology

The desire to break 

my Body.

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ReBirth

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

It doesn’t hurt anymore, my cramping uterus causing:

Hiding in the corner,”I won’t ever be able to have children. I’m a child. I’m selfish. I only have one ovary.”

It doesn’t hurt anymore, looking in the mirror causing:

“I’m growing old so fast. My hair is falling out. My legs are horrible, handfuls.”

It doesn’t hurt anymore, looking at you causing:

“You hate me. You are only speaking to me because there’s nobody else. And you find me intriguing, but I’ll tell you a secret. I only appear to be intriguing because I don’t know how to be myself.”

She held my hand in the horror-house the other night, it was a “dream” but who’s to say? I was walking alone and she touched me, which melted the boundary of me and the world. They were being slaughtered, but she told me to focus inside. And I closed my eyes and let myself melt into her warmth, and her strength causing no thoughts, just a peace that dissolved my separateness. As I continued to fall away, she kissed me and left me there, with the darkness enfolding.

It doesn’t hurt anymore. And I am stronger than this. And I am stronger than believing it’s me and the world. And I am stronger than the need to be noticed. And strength is me. And I am strength.

And looking in the mirror, causing:

A reflection. Beyond.

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