I have found 

the spaces/spaces 



Matter to be filled in

I look at I-now

lying on the bed in the sunlight

I am beautiful

but inside

There are shadows

and the dust finds it’s way into the cracks

      The fire

A flicker

collecting dust

And I’m drawn to what is empty

what Is empty?

It/dying feels comfortable

Family/The desire to expand beyond the lines

Body/The desire to expand beyond the lines

Happy/The desire to expand beyond the lines



What is this dust?


The desire to break 

my Body.



Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

It doesn’t hurt anymore, my cramping uterus causing:

Hiding in the corner,”I won’t ever be able to have children. I’m a child. I’m selfish. I only have one ovary.”

It doesn’t hurt anymore, looking in the mirror causing:

“I’m growing old so fast. My hair is falling out. My legs are horrible, handfuls.”

It doesn’t hurt anymore, looking at you causing:

“You hate me. You are only speaking to me because there’s nobody else. And you find me intriguing, but I’ll tell you a secret. I only appear to be intriguing because I don’t know how to be myself.”

She held my hand in the horror-house the other night, it was a “dream” but who’s to say? I was walking alone and she touched me, which melted the boundary of me and the world. They were being slaughtered, but she told me to focus inside. And I closed my eyes and let myself melt into her warmth, and her strength causing no thoughts, just a peace that dissolved my separateness. As I continued to fall away, she kissed me and left me there, with the darkness enfolding.

It doesn’t hurt anymore. And I am stronger than this. And I am stronger than believing it’s me and the world. And I am stronger than the need to be noticed. And strength is me. And I am strength.

And looking in the mirror, causing:

A reflection. Beyond.

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