It’s Confusing but I think it’s just love

Breaking the rules again, no conjunctions,

I’m sorry my sexy friend, you should’ve kissed me

when I leant in.

 

 

There were so many spaces with you~

to fill in with noise~

domestic repose,

you finished with suspicion,

I only want you to see I’m looking.

There was poetry over the the mark,

the silent question on your stomach,

and in your deletion of words

that used to mean something,

something before.

And I stopped in that vastness

of the space you’ve created,

demanding intimacy, authenticity,

where have you gone,

were you not reborn in our love?

A one night stand, you say,

something you don’t do often.

Words are so powerful,

yours crushed my heart.

I love you! Do you not feel that truth?

I have loved many, and I will love many more,

and they are a part of me,

and I gave all of it to you.

A one night stand,

I know you felt me.

It’s not easy,

to love unconditionally,

a person, flawed human,

me too.

Me too.

I write this for me and I wrote this for you~

but don’t think equality.

This is breezy, not easy,

and I wasn’t teasing.

I felt you right away,

and I want to explore

you more.

I am not a whore.

Though you may think my loving

eazy might be sleezy.

You said over and over,

“knock on my door, it’s always ajar”

before I shared with you fully.

Oh, desire, Cupid’s arrow,

you hit me once more.

The little boy, with the bow

and the string, striving

to be a predator.

I will show you what lies there,

I’ve seen it in your stare.

But don’t shut me out.

But you shut me out.

I understand,

I forgive you.

It’s hard becoming a man.

But you must know how you broke my heart,

how I don’t offer myself to any tart,

I only give what’s asked of me

in any given moment,

like a little bit sullen,

or a joint mixed with mullein.

I want you to know it’s hard to pull back.

I want you to know not to worry,

I’ve been through this before.

And I won’t show up with my bags

at your door.

You’re scared of commitment.

I totally get it.

You may not realize it,

but I already have some part

of your heart,

and that means the world to me,

with it,

we can create symphonies.

We can be together when the tide

comes in,

and leave when it comes apart

again.

It goes deeper than you comprehend,

the voice of absolution,

the molecules of your bright chagrin.

It takes time,

and I will find out if you keep your word.

But now I need to be heard.

You dove right in,

then jumped right out.

And now I have so many fantasies,

of what we could do,

with the door wide open.

Oh, I want to touch your

milky skin,

and dance a smooth rhythm,

of not holding back.

I have to admit,

I feel like a drug fiend,

fed a little bit of fix,

but now I want to play with the mix.

“Let us be lovers, we’ll marry our fortune together.

I’ve got some real estate here in my bag.”

Eventually, we’ll call this “good sex”

and not attach too much meaning to it.

Eventually, I’ll grow up,

but for now,

let me have my illusion

of love, glorious love.

But I want you to know,

one night stands aren’t really my thing either.

 

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Aphrodite and Hekate

I made a new friend last night. We were like co-pilots in fighter flight. I have to admit, he let me down a bit, but he said something smart, a clever retort.

And I wax poetic:

Falling in love is a feeling we cherish, no matter the catalyst. It’s our own, evidence of the kind of emotional potential we have.

We fall in love so easily, our hearts open, dripping with wet anticipation. The trouble is when we try to hold it and rely on it to always be the same.

In essence, it is the same, the force that creates and destroys, the Goddess at the center of it all. But She chips away at us, at different levels, destroying our attachments and giving us new ones, holding the elusive star we forever strive to reach

To know it, to use it, to live forever…

 

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Anabolic and Catabolic

How could you be so forgetful?

How could you not show me gratitude after everything I have given you?

How could you not be happy?

You would ask me.

I fear I owe you my happiness.

But I am not happy about this.

Should I feel bad about that?

When does bad become bad enough that it moves?

Like a black hole which we get sucked into

the vortex we created ourselves.

Don’t you see? I cannot be just to be.

Do not hate me because

I loved you for a moment.

That was Eternity in disguise.

Let me love you the way I want to,

slow, and forever, and free.

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I was born this way ramble

I looked at my reflection,

side-long in the pane,

I saw black hollows

round the green membrane~

I’m evil, I thought,

then considered

stabbing the cat.

That’s not what I mean though,

that’s not where I’m at!

My professor told me,

that contractions don’t

belong in poems.

He also told me

to kill my heroes.

I think of you,

and the tiny suction anchors

that weave you to me,

so when I think

back on my life with you,

you are still here with me.

Are you a ghost?

An angel?

You are Elegua,

the Trickster God~

most potent in feminine form.

You scan the Cosmos

to find the yin to my yang~

and bring it to me,

so I can self-destruct.

I am a scared caterpillar,

screaming at myself,

“You are so slow! So slow!”

But it’s here now,

“Unnecessary but”. Shut up! Memory?!

Avoid melodrama!

It was never about the drama, sir,

it’s about the rhythm.

Life’s an art,

and I’m learning technique.

Or so I say,

so I don’t have to speak, but I sulk,

and sit in the starry-eyed corner,

and say to you from afar,

I want you to love me,

let me show you how.

She suffocated her daughter

in a trailer made of metal.

What is your intention here?

She asked.

Why do you want to save others so badly?

Because they need my help. They are in trouble.

I don’t buy it! She screamed, burning brighter, I don’t buy it!

Surrendering she gasps,

because I want him to pay for what he did!

Revenge!

What is a human motive?

I began studying spirituality because I was hurting so badly. I was depressed and heading down a dark road, even a depression-caused paralysis one day.

I began studying spirituality as a way to feel the exact opposite. How can I rise above this? Yoga and meditation helped for a little while. I tried to have another identity surrounding it, but I didn’t fit in with those groups of people, either.

Now, I’m learning how power hungry can feel and trying to find a balance. It is the art of love and transformation.

The black hollow of my sockets are there,

but I have mercy as well.

I sit here wondering how much of myself to give to you,

because in this space I’m revealed.

Will you read me, take it all in,

let it touch you,

and then touch me back?

All of poetry is about sex or death, he said.

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