Air is the Trickiest of Elementals

Inside this aching skull, and I did so much work for it not to be aching anymore. But inside of this aching skull, this town reflects the down and out, those who aren’t fully alive, or maybe they are but they are filled with desert ghosts of a different hue, darker than most care to venture to.

Why are you here? Do you go to school? I live here to haunt the children, to show them how not to be. Children of the nineties, we’re haunted by suburban daydreams and half-acid trips where we see that none of this matters yet all of this matters because we made our lives dedicated to it mattering.

I’ve built myself up to a level I’m proud of and of which I tell nobody about. I am haunted by my perceptions, and of this I know. Who dips their toes into the schizophrenic ocean for fun? Huxley requested a dose of psychedelics while he explored death. Can you exercise too much? Is surfing a casual hobby to undertake?

False core beliefs. Back to false core beliefs. You are dirty. You are a whore. You are not real or honest with anybody. Your life is a lie. You are ugly. It’s cruel to have a face people cozy up to, it’s cruel to have a face boys dream about and girls smile at, while underneath you’ve been carrying around the torch for the devil. Nobody could see it. It’s not their fault.

I’ve tried to steal love for too long. I will hurt you, eventually. I will take all of the love you give me and forget about it. But the universe will hand me your karmic regards, so don’t worry your sweet little thang about it. The dark ominous throes of despair come when we realize the gifts we failed to be grateful for. The doom is downward. The doom is self-defeating and ends in death, in your death. How many times is up to you. How many times do you want a go-around on this ride?

 

Card from the deck de St. Croix

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